Breathe Me

I received distressing news this week, if I don't take drastic action, it's likely that I will die of a brain tumor in approximately 3 months. Up until now, I kept thinking to myself that somehow I'm just having some sort of horrible nightmare. A nightmare that I will eventually wake from and find my life to be back were it was, moderately happy and mildly healthy. Instead as the days have continued on I've found myself growing more and more terrified. Not that I will die, unfortunately I've done that dance more than once in my life. Instead I've found myself terrified that I am going to leave this world and no one will truly miss me.

It probably sounds like a strange or even vain thing to be concerned about, but it is what has been concerning me. I'm only twenty-one I've never had a relationship that has lasted more than 2-3 months, and I've never truly been in love. Suddenly I've found myself feeling jipped; like all of the possibilities have been ripped from my life. Yesterday I was sitting in my room trying to sleep and staring quietly at the ceiling. that was when the song "Breathe" by Sia came on, within seconds I found myself sobbing. Pathetic right, a twenty-one year old man crying?

Just as the song was ending I finally began to calm down, and slowly I began to feel relieved. It's the first time since I've received the news that I truly began to feel alive again. So, I've decided to try and be a little more healthy so that I can have any and all advantages possible for my upcoming surgery. Starting this week I will be trying to get out at least once a day for a jog, and I'll definitely be cutting back to only having hookah once or twice a month rather than my twice-weekly routine. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to graze past this in tact.

I hope you all have a wonderful week.

-Haru